“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” –Barrie Davenport
Self-confidence. It is something so important especially when battling a disease like cystic fibrosis (CF). If you don’t believe in yourself, it doesn’t matter if anyone else does because you are destined to fail. I lacked self-confidence from an early age stemming from one encyclopedia article. The revelation that I was not supposed to see my twenty-fifth birthday because of cystic fibrosis (CF) was massively destructive. I was angry at my parents because I inherited CF from them. Over time I realized they both gave me something else far more meaningful which I could use to fight my disease. They instilled in me to have confidence in my abilities that regardless of any adversity around me, I could still persevere.
That mentality has paid off tremendously over the last few weeks since losing my mom to cancer. Watching her over the last three months of her life take a five-day life expectancy and turn it into more than eighty days only reinforced the fact that believing in oneself is an immeasurable tool. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about my mom and the effect that she had on my life.
Still though, I’m hurting. I think about all the things my mom is now going to miss in mine, Andrea’s and her grandkids’ lives. I think about Ethan’s bar mitzvah, Avery getting her driver’s license and both kids someday graduating from high school and going to college.
Today, specifically though, I thought about July 4th next year and my secret to successfully running the world-renowned Peachtree Road Race each year.
Most people panic when they reach cardiac hill which is the infamous 0.7 mile stretch with a 3% incline that tests a runner’s endurance and determination from miles three to four at the annual race. What people don’t realize is that I have had a distinct advantage to running that insane mountain-like trek every year since 1997. Around the 2.5-mile mark, I could always count on finding Mom and Dad cheering me on as I embarked on the most grueling stretch of the race. We took photos there and Mom almost always made sure I took a water or Powerade with me as I left for cardiac hill. It may seem silly to some but to me it gave me a definite edge.
Next year will be my 25th consecutive race and my mom will not be there to witness it. That number is significant to me. I remember reading that article growing up that I wasn’t expected to see my 25th birthday and here I am running 25 of these 10-kilometer races with the same mucus-filled lungs.
I blamed Mom and Dad then for giving me CF when I was a child but I do not see it that way anymore. Now I would prefer to thank them both for turning me into a warrior and for giving me faith in my own abilities. I’m running my 25th road race next year because my mom and dad never gave up on me. Their confidence in me eventually translated into my own self-confidence. I want them both to know that.
There will be a hole in my heart for the rest of my life because my mom is gone but there is also a fire in my belly because she and my dad pushed me to seek greatness. I look forward to proving that next July 4th and every day before and after that because my mother and my father instilled faith in their son.
Self-confidence is a beautiful thing.
Love you, Mom and Dad.
Live your dreams and love your life.
Andy