What is normalcy really?
It varies depending on who you talk to. For me, normalcy is being careful with who I’m around and where I go. This routine has been a part of my life long before the pandemic and has caused me angst whenever I’m around anyone who is not feeling well. My parents instilled this strategy in me to stay healthy because of my cystic fibrosis. The pandemic has only validated this approach.
I understand that some would consider this to be “living in fear” but it’s an approach I believe to this point has saved my life so I have to be okay with it.
What choice do I have?
It has been difficult the last two years to go places not only because of the concern of the spread of COVID-19 and being at greater risk if I were to catch it but also because I often stand out because I wear an N95 mask to better protect myself. I know masks have for whatever reason become a controversial topic so I ask that those of you who are against them will continue to read this blog because I believe that my story does not center around this polarizing cloth.
My whole life I’ve felt fear that catching something as mild as the common cold could turn major because of my compromised lungs. For years, when I worked a 9 to 5 job with my dad, he would beg me to go home when anyone in the office was sick. While I know his heart was in the right place, it contributed to my anxiety and the fear of being looked at as different.
For many of you, you’ve had a glimpse over the last two years as to what it’s like to have a fear of catching germs that could kill you or at least put you in a compromising situation. It’s frightening. I’ve lost several friends who had the same disease as me (mostly lung transplant recipients which to this point I am not) to this awful virus. It only makes the fear of getting infected greater.
Many of you got vaccinated and later found out it doesn’t mean you won’t get sick or be able to spread the virus. For me, it’s like the daily routine of administering physiotherapy for a couple of hours and taking loads of pills to increase our odds of successfully fighting cystic fibrosis.
Both methods help. Neither is an assurance that we won’t get sick.
As COVID numbers slowly decrease and the mandates in certain areas are rolled back, your lives will slowly return to normal and I’m truly happy for you. But for people like me, normalcy is about as likely to happen as finding the fountain of youth. Well, actually I may find “my normalcy,” but I will never find yours.
And that’s my point.
While I’ll finally go to places like grocery stores and restaurants with confidence that I will be okay, it will take me a lot longer to do so without an N95 mask. I will still have to wear it in certain places – airplanes, doctor’s offices, hospitals – because the spread of germs is more likely.
As people around me continue to say, “I can’t wait to get back to normal,” all I continue to think in my head is, “Will people like me ever feel some semblance of normalcy again?” Am I looking forward to my kids and wife being able to go places and be able to worry less about my health? Yes, I cannot tell you how much I’m looking forward to that day. My lungs have always been difficult on me. I hate that the fear of them getting worse has put so much stress on my close family and friends especially over the last two years.
I look forward to this pandemic finally ending. I look forward to things returning to normal.
I just want other people to understand that my normal will never be theirs… and that people like me have learned to be okay with this.
What choice do we have?
Live your dreams and love your life.
Andy